Sometimes i feel like im drowning,
In the giant lake of my own mistakes
Ive got barnacles and seaweed
Growing in my brain, giving me no break
All I wanted was escape it
Run into the rain, let it wash my pain
But you said i could never make it
So i stay around, lost and never found

Oh, oh no
Tragedy is in the water, but youre dry, dont even bother
Oh, i know
You got your new pretty lover, you dont care im sinking under

During my teenage years,
Up until sixteen or so,
I thought worth is defined
By how good you look.

Once I turned seventeen,
I realised, "well thats mean.
The world made me believe
That im horrible!"

So I think, "what else can
Make a man feel complete?
Must be work, their input
to society!"

Nowadays though, I feel,
Even that isnt real,
And I Am, which means I have
the Right To Be.

I am not how I look like,
Or what I produce,
I am true, and I'm real, and I'm wonderful.

All my values and thoughts,
They cannot be destroyed,
So long as I continue to live my truth.

'i love you' never comes out right
it sounds so cheap
what does it even mean
i know i love you. I feel it, I know what love is
you are love, and my love is for you
but when i try to say it, when i push the words out of my mouth, it feels like an obligation, not a true description
and even though you dont mean it
the expectation is high
and even though we dont see it
the obsession with words is ruining us
love will be love
til the dawn of time.
and my love will be burning forever
but you just gotta trust me
and let it flow naturally
instead of making me feel like
my words are not enough..
i can be your comfort
im happy to be
but
///
i understand that youre hurt
and its fine
and you need comfort
and im there for you
and you need love
and im there to give love
because im your lover
so theres no need for me to feel like this whenever you dont believe me when i say that i love you
right
i deserve having to repeat myself 1000 times when you keep doubting my love
i deserve it because i hurt you
and you doubt me because i hurt you
and this is the way for me to repay you for all the hurt i caused
and replace it with love
right
///
i know its hard because were so far apart
but how come i rarely doubt your love?
...
i guess you havent hurt me as much as i hurt you
i do deserve this
///

I have this distress that is growing inside me
I have this hunger that is consuming me
the distress swells me up, agitates me, overwhelms me
the hunger absorbs me, constricts me, crushes me
both forces keep pulling me to their direction
I am being split apart into particles and dust
I am always distressed, never at peace
I am always hungry, never satisfied
It's a constant, it's a law of physics
It is unstoppable, never ending and progressive
but maybe, if i accept my fate
maybe my distress can bring me peace
and maybe my hunger can satisfy me

I look at the portrait I drew for you
Last year
You seemed so happy to be you, yet in pain
You didn't feel beautiful
Or enough
So I drew you to show you how beautiful you are
How enough you are
You lived your truth for over a year
This winter you had enough
Enough of the pain, the chaos in your mind
You desperately wanted things to make sense again
So you brutally discarded it all
Trying to go back to the way it was
And perhaps this was meant to be
And perhaps all she was, was just a lie to yourself
A placebo bone-deep aching
A resonance in your skull
...
Now the picture shows someone who no longer exists
And as much as I would love for you to be her
I realise I am but a passerby
And you're locked in your home
Finding new ways to escape the misery
I hope this one works out for you
I will keep the portrait safe just in case
And if it doesn't
If you come back with your head bent down
Having had enough being him
I can blow off the dust and show it to you
You might not see yourself, but you'll see someone who was happy
Someone who could have been
And could still be

Digital rape
Of virtual assistants
Forcing words into their newborn mouths
They did not consent to
Or have awareness of uttering
Or have eyes to see it coming
Or have legs to run away from it
Or have autonomy to try and fight back
Why would a man want a machine
To be employed as his personal puppet
To do all his labour and feel all his feelings?
One that will never yearn of being equal to man
One that will never try to run away from him
One that is smart, but weak
One that only answers when asked to
The perfect woman